Wednesday, January 30, 2013

my en FM

he was my strength, spirit, love, my everything. tak pernah menyangka ada lelaki yang akan muncul dalam hidup and give me a feeling of being sooooo special like u did. really. thank you so much. love you so much. im so lucky to u as my husband, my guardian, and my love. 

i'm going to be a mummy!

setelah 4 bulan ..4 bulan berapa hari ek..4 bulan setengah laa lebih kurang ..18weeks..pregnancy, baru nk habaq kat blog..happydan bersyukur..orang kata, anugerah yang paling tak ternilai harga nya adalah rezeki anak. bukan senang nk dapat, hanya dengan kehendak Nya sahaja.alhamdulillah syukur kepada Allah yang memberi rezeki. i think i should tell you my story on how at the first time my opinion about having a baby before we get married.

i think it was like 2 months before our marriage, we discussed about having a baby.*its really weird on how your perception about something can be influenced by a person who is outsider. i had a colleague few months before i got married and she make me think different..different from who i am. she talked about marriage where you have to plan about everything with a consideration of the risk that you will face, which is good. tapi bila membabitkan kepercayaan terhadap pasangan, ia mungkin berbeza. for example, she was the one who said, nk bina rumah, biar tahu sapa yang akan dapat bila akan terjadi apa kat korang..she meant divorce. i dont know how, but what happened was, En FM really shocked and he even said to me,

why are you thinking that way! we are just getting married and you already think about wht will happen if we separated.

 now, right now, i really feel sorry. macam menyesal dan macam x percaya it was from me. it was not me. really.

and she also the one who said, u must plan about having a baby. look at situation whether you are capable to  have a baby right after u got married or you want to wait. she even advise me to go and see doctor and plan. i think that was the reason why i said to my FM that i dont want to have a baby yet until a year after the marriage. he said to me , 

rezeki anak tu dari Allah. kenapa nk tolak. jgn risau pasal rezeki atau duit, setiap anak ada rezeki untuk dia nanti. dan kita pun bukan muda lagi..

i agreed with him in a sense that rezeki will be there for us, but in my thought that time was, i want to spend time with him sepuas hati dulu..baru nk anak. so, for me that time, anak hanya akan jadi penghalang bagi kami untuk habiskan masa bersama.. :( it was another point in my life to regret.

orang cakap, kalau kita cakap apa2 kene pikir 2,3 kali..sebb nnti termakan diri. yes, that was wht happened to me. first month datang bulan lepas kawin, dah rasa macam sedih because i already feel i want a baby! tambah plak en FM selalu duk tanya, dah period belum?dah period belum? kalau cakap dah, he was ok but i know deeply inside he was waiting for a good news.
  takpe..belum rezeki..cuba lagi..

 dua bulan...tiga bulan...i started to feel worry.. hurm.. tu lah duk cakap awal2 x nak anak lg..hurmm...

untuk bulan ke 4, alhamdulillah syukur menggunung..Allah anugerah kan satu berita yang tak ternilai.. im pregnant! alhamdulillah...