towards the end of my pregnancy..

cukup 35 minggu this week.by next monday..my pregnancy will be fully 9 months.hurmm..how am i feeling? PENAT..nk bangun pagi punya susah..nk bawa perut ke tandas. pasal bangun malam kencing toksah cakap la. memang wajib..2 kali semalaman. nk tunduk?hurmm lupakan laa.. kene duduk dulu..baru leh amik barang..ngantuk memang selalu sebb kita rasa penat kan..so ikut kan hati memang nk tido la..*tgh menaip ni pun dh 2-3 kali menguap. budah kecik dalam perut nih tiap kali bergerak dh makin gagah walaupun x sekerap time 7 bulan..dia dh gemuk kot..x cukup ruang nk berguling2..hehhee.. huh?baby ..boy ke girl? wallahuallam. tima 6 bulan doc cakap gegirl.. semangat aku beli sarung tangan pink..baju minnie mouse.. dah masuk 8 bulan hari tu..gedik2 nk g scan lagi..hehehe.. tgk2 doc bg tahu lelaki plak.. ayaaa.. apa lah nasib semua2 yg pink tu.. xper la..pakai je la dik.. lagipun x sure kan.. mana tahu tiba2 kuar gegirl jugak.. kuasa Allah kan.

tunggu je la.. cuma doa semua selamat.. 

SHE is fine after all

plan tgk wayang malam rabu cancelled.tayangan rock oo x der. xper la..last2 gi check perut lah..jom scan.excited ni ..both of us excited. dalam hati mmg mcm nk anak lelaki. yer laa rasa nak anak lelaki..sebab?entah..rasa macam serasi ngn budak laki compare to girl. *anak sedara lah. xper anyway..dah amik nombor siap..then my turn. i ask my FM to record everything and he did. so when the doctor start doing the scanning ..i can see on the monitor my baby. and she faced to us. i mean towards the scanner. and we could see her face.eventhough its not clear yet but her mouth is there.. moving a lil bit. aaaaa.. can wait to know.

the doctor asked: so nak laki ke pempuan?

me,senyum

abg, senyap

the i said : urmm ikot lah doctor..xper mana2.. (dalam hati..mesti lah lelaki kan..)

doctor: haa tu nampak ..GIRL...

me: huh... pastu sengeh..

xper la doctor apa pun..nampak mcm muka abg lain sket..mesti mcm ingat lelaki jugak..hehehe.. then we drove the car that night..ok, not 'we' ..Kerol drove the car home. and we already can accept the fact that the little one inside my tummy is a girl. happy also what.. ada geng la nnti. 

so definitely KHAEYLA FAIRUZ is the name. hehhee.. KHAYLA or KHAEYLA?

Hadeiff Fairuz or Khaeyla Fairuz

these are the first two names of our favorite. so..i cant wait for him to be home next week and go to the clinic and scan. tak sabar nk pilih baju biru ke pink..cepat laa abg balik..

my baby

that day.. 23rd October..

rasa penat yang teramat..drive from Kijal to Dungun seems to be very tiring.very. i know something is coming because based on the date counted..dah 4 hari lambat period.biasanya memang on time .kalau lambat pun sehari atau dua. dah alang2 memang akan lalu Mesra Mall..aku berhenti dan straight went to Guardian. and searching for pregnancy test. didnt wait too long i just bought it and continue driving. i dont know when i'm going to test it yet. arrived around 720 pm and i asked him to wait for me outside the house. and he did with his towel. then i went to our bedroom and i cried. because i felt soooo tired.memang rasa lemah x bermaya. tengok je aku nangis terus dia gelabah..kenapa kenapa.. i just said..x der apa penat sangat je..penaaat sangattt..he tried to calm me down. the dia gi mandi..pas dia mandi aku amik turn ..masa dia solat maghrib ..sorok2 amik test pregnancy bawa masuk toilet skali..lama gak laa sebelum nk test tu..duk pikir.. arghh ..buat je la. xder rezeki x per..yang penting x nak libatkan dan bagitahu dia lagi..takut abang frust.

test pregnancy yang aku beli rasanya dalam rm 9 kot..x mahal pun tapi rasanya itu yg paling simple.paling x memeningkan kepala..mcm yang dalam gambar tu lah.. in a blink of eyes you will get the result. tengok mula2 samar..pastu makin terang..dua garis! ahh sudah.mcm mana ni..mengandung betul ke..then i start smiling..sengeh2 mcm org gila sorang2 dlam toilet..ok..mandi. masuk je dalam bilik tidur..i saw him besides the bed. aku sengeh2. abang x perasan lagi..then i passed to him the instruction paper. he looked at me.. "mende ni?" i said "bacalah" ok...dia baca..then he make faces again.. "apa ni.." he started to understand but still confuse because i just gave him the instruction..then ... i gave him the pregnancy test..he looked at the lines..and the paper...then the lines again...and the rest is history. hahahahha.. yang tak tahan nyer..dia start guling2 ats lantai tepi katil.dan dan nk bagi tahu mak..ayoo..xleh2..tunggu official result. malam tu gak gi klinik.and the doctor confirmed that i have the little one inside for 4 weeks. Alhamdulillah..his birthday is the next day 24th October and that was my biggest birthday gift to him. thanks to Abang too. he he. 

i'm going to be a mummy!

setelah 4 bulan ..4 bulan berapa hari ek..4 bulan setengah laa lebih kurang ..18weeks..pregnancy, baru nk habaq kat blog..happydan bersyukur..orang kata, anugerah yang paling tak ternilai harga nya adalah rezeki anak. bukan senang nk dapat, hanya dengan kehendak Nya sahaja.alhamdulillah syukur kepada Allah yang memberi rezeki. i think i should tell you my story on how at the first time my opinion about having a baby before we get married.

i think it was like 2 months before our marriage, we discussed about having a baby.*its really weird on how your perception about something can be influenced by a person who is outsider. i had a colleague few months before i got married and she make me think different..different from who i am. she talked about marriage where you have to plan about everything with a consideration of the risk that you will face, which is good. tapi bila membabitkan kepercayaan terhadap pasangan, ia mungkin berbeza. for example, she was the one who said, nk bina rumah, biar tahu sapa yang akan dapat bila akan terjadi apa kat korang..she meant divorce. i dont know how, but what happened was, En FM really shocked and he even said to me,

why are you thinking that way! we are just getting married and you already think about wht will happen if we separated.

 now, right now, i really feel sorry. macam menyesal dan macam x percaya it was from me. it was not me. really.

and she also the one who said, u must plan about having a baby. look at situation whether you are capable to  have a baby right after u got married or you want to wait. she even advise me to go and see doctor and plan. i think that was the reason why i said to my FM that i dont want to have a baby yet until a year after the marriage. he said to me , 

rezeki anak tu dari Allah. kenapa nk tolak. jgn risau pasal rezeki atau duit, setiap anak ada rezeki untuk dia nanti. dan kita pun bukan muda lagi..

i agreed with him in a sense that rezeki will be there for us, but in my thought that time was, i want to spend time with him sepuas hati dulu..baru nk anak. so, for me that time, anak hanya akan jadi penghalang bagi kami untuk habiskan masa bersama.. :( it was another point in my life to regret.

orang cakap, kalau kita cakap apa2 kene pikir 2,3 kali..sebb nnti termakan diri. yes, that was wht happened to me. first month datang bulan lepas kawin, dah rasa macam sedih because i already feel i want a baby! tambah plak en FM selalu duk tanya, dah period belum?dah period belum? kalau cakap dah, he was ok but i know deeply inside he was waiting for a good news.
  takpe..belum rezeki..cuba lagi..

 dua bulan...tiga bulan...i started to feel worry.. hurm.. tu lah duk cakap awal2 x nak anak lg..hurmm...

untuk bulan ke 4, alhamdulillah syukur menggunung..Allah anugerah kan satu berita yang tak ternilai.. im pregnant! alhamdulillah...