being in that hole again...

its really make me thinking that i really dont have any luck nowadays...especially in love matter. why is that happened to me?i really need to figure it out. everytime i feel the feeling...i will be like in a hole..but this time its quite different when i feel that i fall in a well with the stair in it..i can just climb that up and save myself but ...it seems like...i dont want to do that..wht a stupid minn. i really wish that i can escape myself from being trapped in this situation. why is that i cant stop myself from loving that guy? it is beautiful yet useless..we are so damn different..in so many ways...i think every ways.i pray to God to show me the real way..and do make me realize soon if wht i think,feel and act right now is totally wrong. please God who me the right path...i hope i can be determined in wht ever i do. i use to think im determined person but i doubt that now. its like i cant decide anything in this case. or should i just let it be..just let the time decide, wht if it will lead me to some situation where i cant escape myself anymore..like trapped in that situation forever? ohh ...the weird thing that i think now is, i know the ending will be really ugly to me and to him. im afraid i'm not strong as i think i am now. ..arghhh..i dont know ...i just DONT KNOW! i feel like i'm not myself!